What happened was...April Explained.

I know a lot of people are wondering, and I think I know what happened to April. I’m pretty sure it went like this:

April was all ready to take the stage. March had done their thing, and being March, it was just whatever the heck March felt like doing and pretty much left us all scratching our heads saying, “was that improve, or is March drunk?”

But April is more disciplined and has played this role many times before. They could practically do it with their eyes closed. It’s a demanding role, but one where success is easily measured. April knows that the rest of the summer month’s performances really hinges on how well April performs. A true professional, April is.

But at the last second, on the 31st, when March was supposed to exit stage left, they went right instead, and intercepted April on their way onto stage.

“Yo, April, I just did my thing out there on stage and, like, I gotta tell ya…I don’t know if you’re ready April. Nothing personal, but it’s like, a tough crowd. They booed at my ice storm!”

April looked at March with some sympathy. “March, it’s alright. I’ve been doing this for a long time. I know what to do out there.”

“No, April, like, I think I should like, help you, you know? I mean, what if you forget a line, you know, like…there needs to be April showers for May to bring the flowers and all that, you know.”

“I’m aware”.April said annoyed, “Like I said, a long time”

April tried to sidestep March at this point, but March followed step, and continued to block the way onto stage.

“April, let me do this. I know this crowd, like…I can do this for you”.

“March, get out of my way!”

“No April, I’ve been there, I think I know how to do this better”

“No you don’t. I know what I’m doing March”.

At this point April is looking at March with befuddlement. Maybe March IS drunk.

“I don’t need a Marchsplaining March! If you don’t move it right now, you’re going to mess up Spring!”

“Maybe like, you’re messing up Spring, April! Like, did you ever think of that?”

From there, a scuffle ensued, with April trying to pivot around March and March obstinately doing all they could to keep April back. There were slaps and pushes.

“No, April…I’m doing it! You can’t handle it. The crowd is too tough. I’m going to do it!”

“You BUFOON!”

And that’s when April tripped over March’s clumsy feet and tumbled into the orchestra pit. I think there are a few among us who don’t know how embarrassing a fall into the pit is!! It seems like each time, it takes way too long to untangle from the oboe section, crawl through the percussion and then get your whits about you again. Well, this is undoubtedly what happened to April. And March, being March…and probably drunk…sprinted back onto stage.

“Gentle people of the Northern Hemisphere, I present to you…April!” he exclaimed.

There was a confused murmer among the crowd, as March commenced to dance awkwardly.

“Let my spring showers bring May flowers!!” March exclaimed, on tip toes with their arms outstretched. But instead of spring showers, March summoned snow and sleet.

“Awaken my sleeping beauties! Return to me my snow birds!” March sang while performing a dystopic pirouette, and summoned in freezing mornings and extended cloudy days.

“I think I’m really killing it” March thought. But just then, someone in the audience hit them straight on with a muddy slushy ice ball.

“Get off the stage you idiot!!” the crowd roared as they started to hurled boos and ice balls. The sun would rise, and they would throw mud. The sun would set, and they threw ice. March felt overwhelmed! March had never seen this happen to April and didn’t know what was going on!

“Why don’t they like me?” March said while performing another inch of snow.

It was then that April finally got back onto the stage, a woodwind reed in their tangled hair and a timpani mallet in their hand, at the ready to bludgeon March.

“You…YOU!!!” April hissed, holding the mallet high in March’s direction, breathing aggressively, shoulders rising and falling in anger. “EXIT…STAGE…LEFT…RIGHT NOW! ”

“What did I do wrong?”

“NOW!!!”

March slumped and confusedly scuttled off stage.

Once March exited, April lowered the mallet and looked out at the silenced crowd. A hush had fallen as the snow melted. Then April looked to the stage director. The stage director, wide eyed, looked back wincingly, tapped his wrist watch, and turned both palms up and shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “Only one more week”.

April looked out at the crowd, and the crowd looked at April, and April performed the last week of April.